Forced by fate – Destined to be his Wife

YuZhi dipped his head the last millimeters, all thought lost to him as instinct took over and pressed his lips to hers in a moment of weakness. Unable to fight the way she felt under his body and how much he was attracted to her. Knowing it had been growing little by little lately. His heart exploding with warmth and electric sparks as he tasted her soft smooth lips. It was only a second, but it made TangShi tremble and stop breathing. Poised and stiff in case she made him stop. His mouth on hers elevated her body heat and heart rate and she impulsively kissed him back, sliding her hands up onto his shoulders to grip him tight and encourage what he was doing.

Mouths met and opened as YuZhi got lost in reaction and parted his lips to mold to hers properly. Needing to feel her out and taste the sweetness that he had never forgotten all these years. Kissing her with longing and pulling her face to him with the hand behind her neck as they got lost in each other and surrendered to the passion that had built to crazy levels. He French kissed her, probing her mouth with his tongue, exploring the sweetness that was uniquely her and almost lost himself as he spiraled into crazy lust. TangShi was drawn into memories of their first kiss and overtaken by the need and desire to allow him to do whatever he wanted to her. Surrendering as he made love to her mouth and curled her toes.

It was YuZhi who came to his senses first, as chaos racked through his head and guilt kicked him in the stomach by pushing Rhea to the forefront of his mind. It was like she slapped some reality into him, and he recoiled at speed aware of what he was doing. He yanked back, confused, and bewildered that he could do something like this, losing all sense of reason and loyalty. Inhaling hard to calm himself down while internally berating himself for forgetting he loved someone else. He let her go and got up to right himself before hauling her to her feet to make sure she didn’t fall and stepped away quickly as if she caused an electric shock.

“I’m sorry…. I didn’t mean that. I Shouldn’t have done that.” He apologized, his words coming out in a strangled rush, and he ran his fingers through his hair, mentally shaking himself for what he just did. His head was close to imploding. He was visually rattled, pacing away from her and swallowed hard as he tried to organize his rambling thoughts.

“It was my fault. I kissed you.” TangShi was shellshocked and her legs were trembling and felt like jelly. Her body weak and her heart racing because of what they just did, and she was hot all over and unable to clear her head. She was ready to take responsibility for her part in it and was blushing from her roots to her toes, ashamed that with one kiss she was willing to let him do whatever he wanted to her. Her body tingling all over with an internal war drum beating loudly and stupidly aware that she had no control over her feelings for him anymore. That kiss was proof that she would easily forget Rhea and follow her heart and it made her feel ashamed and sick to her stomach.

His kiss had given her a long dormant longing and desire she had only ever experienced once in her life. Eight years ago, when he kissed her dizzy and made her melt just like he did tonight. She was struggling to calm herself down but also hyperaware of how awkward and conflicted he seemed, and it made her feel sorry. She felt like all she ever did was cause him problems.

“Tang. This was on me. Maybe we should go. Too much romance, sugar….. we just got carried away. Caught up in a moment with this atmosphere. It was a mistake. It doesn’t mean anything.” He was making excuses all while his body was making it clear to him that he was wound up with that brief touch and crazing the kind of touch he hadn’t had since he broke up with Rhea. He put it down to a lack of sex and hormones and tried to ignore the fact that he couldn’t tear his eyes from her pouted lips or get that peaches and cream taste of her lip tint out of his mouth. His body was on fire, and he seriously needed a cold shower.

He couldn’t look her in the eye while he felt like this as he no longer trusted himself and inwardly curse that he couldn’t even blame this on alcohol. TangShi avoided looking at him too, conflicted with her own shame as she pressed her hands to her cheeks in a bid to cool the flushed rise of heat.

“Okay.” Her voice was low, strained, and muffled and YuZhi hesitated at her tone, thinking he had upset her and that she might cry. He knew it might have wounded her and was aware for the first time that maybe she saw him more than a friend and it sucker punched him in the gut. He never considered things between them would get complicated like this and had been so assured that their closeness was platonic. Confident in their friendship and putting his affection for her down to liking her as a kid sister. He was wrong.

“Tang, wait.” He caught her impulsively, with a need to comfort her, by the elbow and tugged her back to him so he could see her face. Throwing thoughts aside with genuine concern he hurt her feelings and hated himself for doing it. Spinning her with a little strength because he was panicking and twirled her right into his embrace without meaning to.

She ended up with her palms splayed flat against his chest muscles, feeling out his thundering heartbeat, her nose level with his collar bone as she bumped into him with a tiny ‘ouch’ and fully embraced in his arms where both of their heart rates shot back up again.

A coming together of two bodies that hadn’t recovered, and it was easy to ignite the same sparks. His touch all these weeks which had seemed comforting and familiar was now electrifying and caused goosebumps.

“Sorry…. I.” YuZhi lost all his confidence when back this close and pushed her away by the shoulders abruptly to make her step back again. Forcing distance between them so he could breathe once more. Aware of the fact he couldn’t handle her proximity right now. He was awkward and nervous in crazy levels he had never experienced before and couldn’t get his emotions under control in the heat of the moment. “Yeah, let’s leave. It’s for the best if we …ummmm…… leave.” He had forgotten what else it was he meant to say and acted like her touch burned him. Mentally scolding himself and thinking tonight he might stay over at ZhengLi’s to give them both space. He needed his friend to give him a beating for this. He turned and headed for the driver door, motioning weirdly over his head for her to get in the car.

TangShi turned in a hurry, her own skin flaming and her mind melting with conflicted thoughts and feelings. She got into the passenger side while trying to avoid looking his way, her heart hammering through her chest and aware of how out of control her emotions were. Her bottom lip trembling because she now felt like crying and she had no idea why. She knew these past weeks she was starting to fall in love with him all over again, but this didn’t make her feel good at all. It felt wrong and like she just betrayed her friend.

YuZhi sat for a moment in stunned silence, staring straight ahead out of the windscreen without starting the engine, his own head swimming with reasons, excuses, and tried to separate his emotions from his thoughts. Glancing her way and seeing her pink cheeks spreading to her hairline, he had the urge to lean over and hug her to tell her this was all okay.

Only he knew it wasn’t. He shouldn’t. Rhea would never forgive him.

He gripped the steering wheel as a surge of regret hit him hard and he pictured her crying face that night at the club when she thought he kissed her back then. Twisting his insides and physically causing him pain at knowing he had just broken Rhea’s heart for real and would never be able to lie about it. Now he was an actual asshole who really did follow through and was still reeling from the taste of another woman’s lips on his. Rhea planted herself firmly in his head, giving him the urge to go see her and somehow try to fix this while he started the engine with a grim look of determination on his face.

TangShi could read his expression a little and sense his change in mood and felt utterly desolate. He was cutting her off and closing her out to resemble the cold and aloof man she met months ago, putting her back on the other side of the wall. Her own heart panging with pain because all this proved he didn’t want her that way and he regretted it. And then there was her own guilt and regret because she thought she was a better person than this who valued friendships. Rhea had always been good to her and trusted her not to cross this line. She never thought herself capable of being this girl.

“Let’s just forget it. It’s fine.” TangShi broke the silence with her sweet and feeble tone, an edge of something in there he couldn’t quite decipher, and he flinched. Feeling like a complete jerk for making her this way and fucking up everything of the last weeks with one stupid moment. He knew he crossed a line and initiated the kiss, but TangShi was doing what she always did when trouble arose. Blamed herself and took the full brunt of responsibility. Ingrained into her lack of self-esteem and worthlessness to always be the one people blamed. He hated that about her.

It enraged YuZhi, irritation coming up from somewhere in the pit of his stomach at hearing her words. Without thinking he spun towards her, dived forward and caught her chin in his hand to tug her to him so they were a foot apart and she blinked in wide eyed shock at his sudden hostile behavior. Silenced and intimidated by the coldness in his face.

“I kissed you. I’m the asshole here and you did nothing wrong. I don’t want to hear you say that again. This is my problem, not yours.” He scolded her, sat back, letting her go and deliberately banged his head against his headrest as he screwed up his face, closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Questioning his life. Looking pissed even though it made no sense to react like that and TangShi recoiled back to quietly watch him from her corner. Not sure what to do or say and carefully clipped on her seatbelt to focus on something to do. Nervous around him and this unpredictable behavior.

He opened his eyes and hit the start button a little hard, thrust his car into gear before clutching the back of her headrest to lever himself around to peer out of the rear window and reversed at speed. Making her nervous with this change in him, the lurch of speed and his crazy driving, and she shifted to face forward. Straight and stiff, focusing on the windshield and remained silent.

“I’ll take you home and stay with ZhengLi tonight. Maybe we should cool things between us for a while. Stick to the plan and make some new clinic appointments. Not hang out for a bit.” He was reverting to his bolt hole, hiding behind hostile and cold in a bid to put some reasonable distance back between them until he figured out what to do about this. He knew he couldn’t keep it from Rhea. Hating that he felt like shit for being this way to TangShi and knowing she didn’t deserve it over a kiss.

He was always someone who reversed away from complicated emotional mess faster than hell, like he had been doing with Rhea lately. Aware that made him an asshole but it was an ingrained instinct ever since his parents died. He had no idea how to navigate or handle it and was running scared. Confused at his own feelings.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“Okay.” TangShi mumbled, almost incoherently but he heard her, and it caused a sharp pain in his chest to hear her deflated and hurt. TangShi couldn’t understanding why he was being like this, but she couldn’t say anything about it. Looking down into her lap before sighing and focusing on the scenery to force herself to push tears away as they got out into traffic. She could feel the wall growing between them and wished this hadn’t happened at all.