Just take me home please
Amelia
Mr Davenport had driven us out of town. I felt a bit sleepy but curiousity kept me awake.
Finally we came to a stop at a small farm. It was located in a partly lonely area. There weren’t a lot of houses or people around.
The car was quiet, waiting for what he wanted to show us.
Surveying the farmland carefully, we finally did.
A tanned, tired looking, young man dressed in torn denim shorts and a grey vest stood chopping wood with an obviously blunt axe. As he chopped wood, he simultaneously tried to keep an eye on the grazing cows a few feet away from him.
I sucked in a deep breath when I realized that the young man was Jason.
Ashley let out a small cry and tightened her fingers around her husband’s arm.
Dani only raised an eyebrow. I caught the surprise flashing in her eyes before she quickly covered it up.
Adrian betrayed no emotion.
I didn’t say a word. I just watched him.
The beads of sweat running down his face and neck, the obvious discomfort he felt from the flies swarming to the cow dung.
He wiped his brows with a sweaty arm and slumped to the floor, using the axe as support. He looked malnourished.
Something stabbed me in the chest and as I watched him, I realized that I felt sorry for him.
Was this his way of paying for his sins?
“He’s been working here for two weeks,” Mr Davenport’s voice broke into my thoughts. “I secretly met with his employer; some guy called Bill. He receives three dollars a week.”
What? I shivered.
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“What?”
Dani and Ashley blurted out at the same time.
I hid my surprise at Dani showing any interest at all.
Finally I decided it was time to speak up. I masked any pity I felt and turned to Mr Davenport.
“Is that why you brought me here? So I could feel sorry for him? Is that it?”
He shook his head.
“I’m a father you know? No matter how hard I try, I’d never completely stop caring about my boy. So I began to search for him.”
He paused.
“And I found him here. I didn’t bring you here so you could start to feel sorry for him or even forgive him.”
“Then why?” Adrian spoke up.
I turned to him. This were the first words he’d spoken since we got here. I tried to read him. He didn’t sound angry. But he didn’t sound happy either.
Mr Davenport gave a sad smile. “I’m only hoping that you see how much he’s struggling, and how he’s changing. Learning to fend for himself, take responsibility for his actions. And I hope that you consider that.”
There was silence for a while.
“I’m going to ask him to come home next week,” Mr Davenport finally said. “Not because I forgive him or because I feel sorry for him. It’s because I think he’s earned it.”
Beside him, Ashely squeezed his hand.
I took one last look at Jason and then I leaned back into my seat.
“Just take me home. Please.”
Amelia Forbes
Nana reacted the same way as Adrian when I told her about today; she betrayed no emotion.
I slumped into my bed, tired. I just wanted to stop thinking for one freaking second.
Adrian and Dani peeked through the door. “Can we come in?” Dani asked.
I nodded, too tired to explain that I felt like being alone. We sat in silence for a while and then Adrian asked, “You okay?”
I nodded weakly.
“We’re just hoping you weren’t swayed from what you saw today,” Dani added quietly.
I whipped around and faced her. “What do you mean?”
“Jason?”
I rolled my eyes. “Relax guys, I’m not.”
“He hurt you, Mel. Whatever he’s getting now, he merited. We need you to remember that. We’re not trying to-”
I put my hands to my ears. “Okay!” I screamed. “I hear you. Can you just stop talking about it now?”
Adrian raised an eyebrow in alarm. “It’s okay, Mel. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”
I nodded. “Just stop.”
Silence rented the air.
Adrian stood up awkwardly. “Um, I have to go now. I have to do something at home.”
“I’ll come with,” Dani added, rushing to his side.
I only nodded, watching till they left. Breathing out in exasperation, I wished Benson were here. He would get it.
What the hell, Mel? I chided myself.
Adrian and Dani were nothing but supportive. I wasn’t supposed to compare my friends. Shaking the thought out of my head, I relaxed onto the bed.
Ben had been going to the college’s he’d applied to, taking exams and interviews. So he was pretty busy.
College.
My heart wrenched in pain. That was a long lost dream for me, I thought smiling bitterly. Trying not to fall into my pit of self pity, I drained the glass of now cold milk by my drawer.
As I put the glass down, a knock sounded on my door and I heard Mr Davenport asking if he could come in. I gave a hoarse “yes” in response and smoothened out my bed.
“Can I sit?” He asked.
I nodded and scooted to the side so he could make himself more comfortable.
“I’m sorry,” He muttered.
I looked at him in surprise but didn’t utter a word.
“I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry for offering help, money, the first time. I’m sorry for taking you to that farm today. I know now how it must’ve looked to you; like I was trying to gain your favor in my son’s interest. It honestly wasn’t my intention.”
I didn’t know what to say so I stared at my hands instead.
“I guess, I guess I just feel guilty about everything.”
My throat felt dry but I managed to ask. “Why?”
He sucked in a deep breath. “Ever since Jason’s mother died, I became distant. I travelled a lot more, employed a bunch of servants to take care of him. Once in a while I’d pop in and bribe him with the latest video game.”
He paused, placing a finger to his temple.
He looked so sad, so small.
In that moment, his wealth didn’t matter. He was showing me who he truly was. And he was just a scared, tired parent.
I swallowed.
“Jason used to be so happy, so full of life.”
My mind travelled back to middle school. Jason and I had even been friends once.
But I didn’t say anything. I just listened.
“The nightmares started when his mom died. He’d wake up crying, asking for her. And I-I was never there. I was too busy drowning my sadness in alcohol. I didn’t realize how sad and withdrawn he was becoming.”
His voice broke.
“Then he turns 18, and I realize, that I…”
“I realize that he’s got all this pent up anger inside him, this fury. I realize he’s a completely different person. I’d been living under the same roof with him and I’d never really seen him.”
“I should’ve been there. I should’ve… talked to him, asked how he was doing, spent time with him. And now, when I say I’m ashamed of the man he’s become, I’m also ashamed of the kind of parent I was. The kind of parent I still am.”
“You’re young, and innocent and you have a long way to go in life. But now this..” He gestured to my belly. “I-I’m so sorry, Amelia.”
Unashamedly, he wiped the tears that dropped to his cheeks.
“You might think I’m making up this sob story just to get to you. But I mean it, all of it.”
“So if you’re going to hate Jason, like he deserves, hate me too. I played a major part in all this. Just please…”
“I don’t-I don’t know what to do.”
Slowly I placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. About everything. I truly am. I won’t say anything about Jason but I see and I believe how guilty you really feel about everything. And I need you to know that it’s okay. It’s fine to feel like a failure.”
I thought of all those times when I’d felt like a complete failure. “I do too, sometimes. But it’s okay. The most important thing is that you realize your mistake, and even if things never go back to the way they were, you tried your hardest. And that’s the bravest thing of all.”
I gave him a reassuring smile and wiped my wet face with my shirt.
“Wow,” He gave a teary laugh. “You sound more like an adult than I do.”
Smiling a little, I handed him a box of tissues and watched him wipe his face.
He looked just as vulnerable as I felt and I knew that he meant every word. There and then I knew that I’d let go of any grudges I held against him.
So I cleared my throat and asked, “Would you, Mr Davenport, be a grandfather to my child?”