Reborn Heart of Steel

I had mixed feelings when I smelled the floor wax and the anxiety that comes with going back to school as I entered the compound of Westbrook High School.

I felt a slight churning in my tummy. This I attributed to butterflies on the first day at school after the news had been circulated of The Raven’s escape from prison. And the grip of my hand in Chase’s hand told me that I was not alone in this. “Ready?” he inquired, and could hardly speak above a whisper. I simply bobbed my head up and down, unable to emit a sound. It was already time to interact with others, time which we spent all weekend planning how to address our classmates after all that had transpired. But now that we were here, all our careful planning and strategy appeared to have flown out of the window. The noise in the hallway stopped immediately as the crowd parted to make way for us and any of the usual sound of slamming lockers and people talking was gone. It was as if the daggers of people’s eyes were piercing through our skin and focusing on us, and I was suffocating. “Don’t stop,” Chase whispered, pushing me, and we began to move again. I attempted to force my mind on the sound of the constant footsteps, the mild grip of Chase’s hand interlocking with mine. But there existed the rumor, a subtle hum that followed us like flies one is trying to swat, but they were too far out of reach. “Is that her?”

‘He said, ‘I can’t believe she’s back. ‘Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

”You think she knows where he may be?” Every whisper that came out of her lips seemed like a jab to my flesh. I expected this, had offered myself up for it, but the feeling was so much graver than expected. There was the reciprocation? No there was rejection, hostility, and suspicion in some places around the students of this school. We stopped in front of my locker, and I twisted the dial with my hands, unsure, and slow. Chase was by my side again, shielding me from the urges of the hundreds of people who were now free to stare at me. I was already used to it, but it just felt different in another person’s body. ‘Don’t let them get to you,’ he told me softly but angrily. “They don’t know anything. ” I wished I could believe him, but the truth was, they knew enough. Everyone had heard of the Raven’s break-out from Jail. It had been the talk of the country and the world, taking up the headlines of newspapers and radio broadcasts, creating excitement. It goes without saying that all the people familiar with the matter knew I was indeed part of the people that captured him.

The Raven. The man who has become a nightmare to our town for many years, the man who has destroyed many lives. The man who had almost killed me and now is hell-bent on making my life a living hell, The Man who even now had the power to toss me into nightmares. And now he has been free for a while, definitely plotting. I closed my locker with a bang and the sound of the banging reverberated across the hall. Several of the students who stood close to me leaped up, definitely eyeing the door and me with suspicion. Their reaction gave me some sense of satisfaction for once, then it was immediately replaced by a guilty feeling. This I did not want it was the opposite of my desire; I did not want to be viewed as a person to be afraid of. “Come on,” I told Chase, trying to bring out a smile that actually felt like a grimace. ‘It’s already almost homeroom time. ‘ Down the corridor, the sea of students opened before us as if we were the vectors of some infectious pathogen. I saw some acquaintances people who used to be friends, people from my school I had known who tried to be friends with me after they heard about my engagement to a rich dude. Approaching our class, I noticed a number of girls standing close to the drinking fountain. In it was Britanny, my Nightmare. I purposefully turned to face her and, for what felt like only a second, our eyes locked: she looked happy, Joy appeared on her face before she shifted her eyes and said something to the others. The rejection had affected me more than I thought, although I was fully prepared for it.

Even though it did not last for a while, there was a time when everyone was very serious and people were always eager to be associated with me, but I had slowly alienated that feeling and everyone else I was afraid and too ashamed to face. Now, however, the distance was immutable. Chase and I gracefully settled into our chairs at the very right moment the bell rang. Another man was our homeroom teacher and, raising his eyes over the class, decided to focus on me for a second, clearly shocked, before delivering a standard first-day welcome speech.

I did my best to give an attentive ear to her, to pay attention to all the routine of schedules and school regulations, but for some reason I simply could not stop my thoughts from wandering. A not uncommon question is ‘what was The Raven doing right now’. Where was he hiding? Would he attempt to communicate with me? These questions crowded my mind, fear and confusion bent around me and all that I had known. I clutched the rim of the desk to steady myself, my fingers whitening as I tried to keep as present as possible. Chase’s hand came to rest on my thigh under the desk and started to draw circles in the palm of my hand. I wriggled an arm back, holding his hand tightly. ‘We’ve been through worse than this. ‘ We’d survive this too. The rest of the morning remained rather tense, as we both had nothing to say to the other, yet could not help stealing glances at the other. In each class, I had a sensation of many unspoken questions in the room. The roll call was awkward; teachers tripped on my name as they pretended to be happy to see me. Friends also avoided me as if being associated with The Raven was some kind of social disease that could spread through the school. Before lunch, I simply could not get out. I was very tired indeed. The constant watchfulness, the work of putting up a facade, was exhausting me. Finally, Chase and I got a table at the far end of the cafeteria so that none of the neighborhood gossips could come up with a reason to linger near us. Aloha,” he said sincerely, opening his sandwich, “Are you doing okay?” I toyed with my salad and I had no appetite at all. ‘I’m alright,’ I replied, although I was far from it, still avoiding his gaze. Okay,” Chase sighed, and he slowly reached his hand across the table and touched mine. ‘Bri, you do not owe me any pretenses, I know it is not easy for you’. I looked my eyes at him; at the worry in his eyes, at the furrows on his forehead and felt all the barriers I had built unravel around me. I couldn’t say anything at first; I just stammered, “I just… I didn’t think it would be this bad. ” On speaking to them as a group, one of them said: “It’s like they all believe that I will one day go on a rampage and kill people. ” ‘They are afraid the same as everyone, and they are seeking a scapegoat,’ Chase said rather severely yet calmly. ‘It is unfair, but that does not matter since it is not about you, but him. ‘ In particular, I understood that he was right, though it did not make me feel any better. Depression followed me as the inexorable weight of the whole Phoenix Organization. If the believers were right to be afraid, then what? What if I too was as evil as those identifying themselves as ‘pure’? Someone must have read my mind because Chase squeezed the hand that I held. ‘You are not him, Brianne. And you will never be,’ It’s just going over the length one has to go to against all hope to achieve what you want. Some part of me ached to trust him and craved that he was telling the truth as much as the next person. But even as I shook it off, as much as I could, the doubt remained stuck in my psyche like a wormy seed.